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 Personal poetry: Post and review

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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Personal poetry: Post and review   Wed Feb 17, 2010 9:47 pm

hey guys,starting a new thread here for anyone interested in poetry or writing to have there stuff posted and reviewed..

Hide and seek

Over twenty years of fear
It took for me to know,
About all my deepest feelings
Which to hide and which to show.
(2)
Once when I was young
In a friend I did confide,
He told all my other mates
that’s a secret I learned to hide.
(3)
When I was growing up
I hated who I was inside,
I didn’t want this shit life
So the real me had to go hide.
(4
After I fought my life forward
I learned if im hidden im weak,
So I finished playing games with my heart
I finished playing that game hide and seek.
(5)
I now know that im not soft
If I show love its not my choice,
So I do what I feel is right
And don’t need straight men’s advise.
(6)
So I am not societies normal man
For that I know that inside im not weak,
God made me play the game of life
But I wont play his hide and seek.
By:mb


Last edited by Hanu Fein on Mon Mar 08, 2010 9:10 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Edit: Adjusting thread title.)
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Paveepride
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Thu Feb 18, 2010 2:08 pm

Oneofthem is this urs?

Im not v good with poetry but i think this is great!!! some of it sounds sad tho i didnt want ths shit life. sounds like in the now. Dnt realy think god wantz us to play hide an seek but thts just r diferent mind on it. Keep them cumin as its great!
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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Thu Feb 18, 2010 5:48 pm

hey thanks,,
this was a poem i wrote some years ago,,its about coming out,,but when i was coming out it was more to myself,,thats why there are angry undertones.
the whole shit life line was how i felt about myself,,not an actual oppinion of my lifestyle.
i couldnt agree more about god not wanting us to play hide and seek, but again it was the time of my life where my religion was battling with my sexuality..

hide and seek,,basicly meant hiding who i was but also seeking who i was,so it was a tearing affect on my mentality/.

ill post another,,all criticism is great,,good bad and ugly guys...
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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Thu Feb 18, 2010 5:58 pm

this is a poem i wrote about someone who cheated on me,,someone i had feelings for..another sad one lol,,
let me know what ya think lads,,and try get one of your own on here too...love to read others work..



You got half what you lost

We had some good times together
But you still had to get a bit more
Well im glad you showed you true colours
You showed those dark colours, I showed you the door
(2)
You told me you loved me
I told you the very same
I said those words with real meaning
But you thought that it was a game
(3)
It was on you birthday that you did it
While I was planning something nice
You went off to act like you were a whore
Was it really an act, you didn’t even think twice.
(4)
You told me to fuck off
What did you gain, do you know the cost
You might have gained one night of sex
But
You got half what you lost
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Jonnie
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Fri Feb 19, 2010 8:15 am

DEDICATED TO MY WIFE: When i first lied to you, inside my heart I shed cold emerald tears. So costly and sharp that iv keep them locked behind a pearly gate of a persian smile. My lieing lips denied no kissess, swearing my eyes were only for you. Deaf to the truth your hands were soft when they touched my life but the blade was never blunt as i cut away the dream. On a throne of lonliness i might one day beg at your feet. To keep our steps together.
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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Fri Feb 19, 2010 8:26 am

hey jonnie
great piece of work there.. really felt the emotion flow through it.
keep em coming in,,,like it alot..
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Jonnie
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Fri Feb 19, 2010 9:05 am

thanks. really like urs too! this is anotherone i wrote in my mind about my teenage love. LOVEBIRDS: the air denied our wings as your eyes avoided my knowing gaze. even now a silent hurricane blows in the memories of our lost summr. the sun set for us at the altor of surrender where golden circles united and shackeld us from one another. darkness may have the darkened mind but as blood calls for blood and love for fire, among the shards of a broken man i burn for you.
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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:27 am

jonnie,,
i have to say i really and trult like your work, its a work not often seen today, your choice of words and depiction of emotions is truly magnificent, and im not blowing shit either i mean it.
ive studied and wrote poems since i was a child and this style is really what i like.
i myself have many types of styles when writing poems, but what i seem to do so freely is the lyrical rhyming style.

be sure to save all these pieces of work jonnie, im sure one day people will study the conflicts of being gay in a minority.. and your work would be great for it.

im going to post a few more here, but id rather read other peoples work.

well done again,,,give me more lol.. Smile
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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:34 am

this is a poem about gay pavees wanting to get married, i think it was mentioned in a different thread about the importance of marrtiage to travellers. i myself dont feel like i should be denied the right to marry someone i love because of sexuality. with the political climate in ireland, we cannot marry or enter a civil partnership because of the legislation. i do know that groups such as GLEN and MARRIAGE EQUALITY are fighting for the change in legislation, as is senator david norris, an openly gay man in politics. he is the guy who challenged the countries law and legislation in regards to homosexuality back in the 90's. his council was mary robbinson, her being another great advocate for equality all her life and a campaigner for human rights. anyway this is a poem i dedicated to the good senator, because if it were not for him we would be in a country where our lifestyle is illegal.

please read and criticise, comments welcome guys.

Jim and Bernie
Two teenage lovers,
with the world at there feet.
Two teenage lovers
The legs of life’s seat.

One was poor
And from a poor place.
The other was rich
There love was an inexpensive place.

Jim was so strong and held bernies small hand.
Bernie was timid and could always understand.

They were perfect together
And met each day after school.
But they were so different
And life is so cruel.

They met in secret
And kissed with care.
For if they were caught
They would both live in fear.

Jim was so strong and held bernie’s small hand.
Bernie was timid and could always understand.

One day they were walking
And saw a couple walk past.
“lets get married said jim”
“yes” said Bernie, the reply was fast.

Where shall we marry
Said jim in a frazzle.
Uk id say
Said Bernie bedazzled.

Why get married
A mutual friend asked one day.
“Because we are in love and want to”
In unison they did say.



But legal reasons stopped this marriage
It was not seen as ok.
Union is wrong
But only for gays.

So love is only love
If it is for man and wife.
It is not possible to unify love
If you are gay in this country, in this life.

So jim and Bernie move away
to a land less backward and slow.
where democracy has been ridiculed
for there slavery and unequal traits they did show.

but in Ireland
for a country that has cried out against being made conform.
but who are the conformists now Ireland
when it is you who are against the norm.

marriage is but a step for two lovers
like Bernie and jim.
who wish to weld there relationship
between him and him.

Jim was so strong and held bernies small hand
Bernie was so timid and could always understand.

But neither can understand
why they cannot be as one.
And neither is strong enough
to accept this inequality should go on.

We have come a long way
From being told what we are is born convicts.
Now its not illegal to be attracted to other men
And we are no longer a problem incarsuration can fix.

Its a long time since buggery
Since one man stood and was counted for all.
Not just for all gays
But for all who have inequality to call.

Taking on a country
And the legal system or what was perceived to be.
This one case brought around a change
A change that is what saves us all from a prison in castelrea

So thank you first mr norris
Your efforts are not without admiration
Among all the bernie’s and jims
In this Ireland,the hypocrite nation.

mb
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A Wandering Minstrel
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Sat Feb 20, 2010 11:49 am

Thank you for sharing your lovely work 1 vof-dem and Jonnie. It really is moving. Ok, I'll take the risk too. I wrote this after speaking with my oldest dearest friend, Jane. She said, "see ya mate" at the end of our phone call. It's an Australian thing. I had phoned Jane for support after being shocked by a recent fatal car crash. A fella was killed and I was about 10 cars behind him. It brought up very old grief for me. This is off the gay theme. Golly but it's hard to press the 'send' button. AWM


“See ya mate”, she said

Self love
Self care

Self advocacy
Self in relation

Self in relation with self
Selves in relation with selves

Elves in relation with elves
Fleas in relation with owls

Ghouls in relation with Lucifer see
The Howls from the bowels of Hades
“Stop! Stop the carnage”.
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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Sun Feb 21, 2010 10:04 am

hey wandering minstrel,,
love to see new works coming in,,and i really enjoyed your piece,,
your style is cool too...high on the emotion without being so overtly..
lloove it,,
any more???????????????????????

lol...

come one peopleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bounce
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Karavan_casey
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Sun Feb 21, 2010 10:44 am

Amazing poems! Wandering im sorry for the ugliness of your struggle. your poem is beautiful in its raw emotion. Jonnie you should write more as they were breath taking. Yours is a poetry not often seen. 1ofem. I really enjoyed reading yours, youv an excellent beat and i can tell there honest. Keep it up guys!
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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:11 am

thanks casey,
id love to see at least one poem from everyone on here,,its a great way of expression and helps get to know a person.

i have a play i wrote a year ago,,but im gonna wait a while before posting it,,i will do it in piece by piece,,act by act//

you got any poems casey
?
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midlands
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Mon Feb 22, 2010 8:11 am

Why act by act? If you have it put it up. No real need to be drawing it out , is there? As a out traveller im proud of my culture. if one person does bad , u cant blame every one else in there commuinty for it, we all know there are travellers out there that are very bad but there are settle people out there that is bad as well , we cant blame all travellers for others mistakes. This is something I think we get lost in so its great we are talking about other non politics as well. Our people were the poets healers and knowers of ireland , and we are a part of ireland just like the settle commuinty so its brill that we re catchin up with the rest with expresion. Keep then coming!
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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Mon Feb 22, 2010 10:37 am

thanks mdlands
the reason id do act by act is more because the size of the thing lol..

there are 3 acts.
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PaveePrince
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Mon Feb 22, 2010 12:46 pm

guys your poem's are fantastic, raw talent from ye.
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princess22
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Mon Feb 22, 2010 2:25 pm

Prince, I think so too!

I have obviously being away far too long!

This is all a bit complicated to explain. Its more or less a badly constructed poem about myself and the girlfriend. We got together despite other peoples suggestions, split up over my father wanting me to get married but somehow we fought for each other and things have worked out Smile

Her face does rise, from mists of memory
It rises now, the fairest Jane
In lovers battle she was equal to every man
but every lover she did disdained

Her heart was locked in societies keep
And none that gate could unbar
Till rose a princess from Ulster's east
A hero “a step too far”

And how, said they, will I reach her
For she dwelled there all alone
The secrets of love, said I,
Would melt even a heart of stone.

So Jane and and a I thus were joined
In battles, dreams and love
The throne belonged to each of us
To Jane, my wildest love

Dark rivals rose against us
To challenge for each throne
All hope in the balance hung
Without its champion

My father, he sent in sacrifice
An offering against my Jane
A man fair, with flaxen hair
Not once, but two times named

In rage my fairest lady
From the eastern sea arose
Her bloody gauntlet dealt that day
like thousand fierce death-blows

The kingdom saved, our quest complete
We are linking arms once more
Through pain, struggle and sacrifice
Were staying together – that's for sure.
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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Mon Mar 01, 2010 6:15 am

well done princess,,love the poem,,been away from the forum since me bday lol,,
any more of them guys,,get em on here..

this is about someone i fell for,,back when i was new to it all,,this lad however was gay but was battling with it and his guilt..
2 years after i worte this,,he came out and got in contact with me,,i moved on hpwever,,ironic how fast our hearts can get stronger, and how we think a relationship we have one day, that ends, might never become bareable....

anyway
as usual,,,read and critique por favor..


Im sorry I love you
(1)
All my life which wasn’t great
Iv found myself giving late,
If I gave you my most precious thing
If its not what you desire im sorry.
(2)
I never felt like this before
So I think im looking at better times
that’s not how it works im afraid
Just a different heart I try to befriend
(3)
I wish I didn’t have to cope
With these fucking feelings.
I wouldn’t ever get hurt if I was smart,
Id keep my heart quiet ,and out of loves dealings
(4)
I really am sorry for what I said
I never knew it would make things weird.
But I wouldn’t have said fuck all
If I was like the rest, and not cared
(5)
I will move on from you mate
That’s a fact I come to know through past tears.
I wish you could join me when I leave
But I know you’ll become a memory ill cry with, for many more years.
(6)
So I sit and think about what would be the point
You can never understand how I feel right about this,
Not that it’s a feeling your not capable of having
But then again its your life and a life I must miss.
(7)
but as you grow, in height and heart
You will be brave, brave enough to see
That those mixed up confused feelings
Now don’t seem wrong, and then you’ll understand me.
(Cool
Behind all the emotions I had
I still enjoyed it when you were around
You made me laugh and happy inside
You picked up my depressed heart, up from the ground
(9)
This poem was written to remind me
Of the feelings I had during this year with you
And in years to come ill read it and remember it clear
How I had found these emotions on this my very best year.

……./////////////……….
This last verse is left to be overwritten
As I may have an ending to our story mate
I might have a climax to our friendship after all
But this last verse will be filled of decisions you make
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moniker
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:00 pm

You must be a big softy! Great stuff Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Wed Mar 03, 2010 7:51 am

Really like your stuff oneof! I havnt realy done many. On the sugeston of Hanu Fein I transed one of my poems to our langage its not perfect tho cant help but feel they ar more a part of me then I had thought.

DEDICATED TO MY WIFE: When i first lied to you, inside my heart I shed cold emerald tears. So costly and sharp that iv keep them locked behind a pearly gate of a persian smile. My lieing lips denied no kissess, swearing my eyes were only for you. Deaf to the truth your hands were soft when they touched my life but the blade was never blunt as i cut away the dream. On a throne of lonliness i might one day beg at your feet. To keep our steps together

GORI A SUIBLEEN MO-CHAMAIR: Nulsk o salk dil ludus, a mo gris o clispen gye gwop gared glask skoks. Na tom a sarker stes o bwikad o dolimi srat o ludusa bilsag. Mo gamy gresko stalled lin gaps, d'umik mo lurks mar dilsa wart. Sacānta o a d'arp dil malas mar nab nulsk grani mo gradum, lin a sarkar linsa nab nulsk a sarks awast a kuldrum.Horsk o slum saiher a awart o ain t'an geygn a dil kori. A bwikad a tober kurlims.
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Wed Mar 03, 2010 3:00 pm

I dont really like poems that dont ryme.

the other one

"but as you grow, in height and heart
You will be brave, brave enough to see"

how small was he any way , ? or is that symbol or something. other then that its grand.
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Wed Mar 03, 2010 3:06 pm

Midland thats very inapropriate!

Well done everyone they look and sound great! Keep going after all this is the only place in the world that gay travellers can have a fair say!!
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1of-dem
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Wed Mar 03, 2010 5:46 pm

thanks for the comment midlands:
as i said, all crtiticism is welcome, good and bad.

however, i think your comment was a bit cutting.

jonnie, again you have delivered a great piece.and the the translation, im jealous.lol

as for the quote midlands, strange you should pull that quote.

growing in height and heart is as it is,,growing in height is a metaphor for growing up, literally speaking, it sounds better than growing with age,, the guy in question was 19,,i was 21,,,but he was still looking at his sexuality as a 15 year old confused and scared lad would have..so when i say growing,which is the operative word in the sentence, i meant when you come to terms with what and who you are.

im glad you asked the question as it brings me to explain on a more philosophical angle.

however, when you said, "how small was he", i think its plain to see that was a katty and cutting remark.
but i respect your criticism all the same. im not above admitting wrong textuality within my works.

casey: thank you so much for pointing out the fact we are here because we are travellers and its a place we should receive encouragement for all things discussed.

jonnie i will revert back to you here again as it concerns a comment about someone not liking poems that dont ryme.
i woould just like to say that originally poemms did not ryme, it was only when lyrics were used for songs by bards that it began to ryme, so in essence what style jonnie is using is more traditional and authentic than my own generic and boring style of rhyming,,your style jonnie is great and please keep it up..


all that said and put aside,,please everyone feel free to scrutinise any of my work i put on here, but please try not to make negative or cutting or dismissive comments about any other members work. all work is unique and beautiful. i love all the good and bad criticism, it helps me get better, but refrain from saying you dislike someones style as it is slightly disheartning..

peace all
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midlands
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Thu Mar 04, 2010 5:34 am

id ask how youd know he was lookin at his sexuality like he was 15 but i dont overly care. Unusual wording but its your poem. So well done. Princess I peticularly ike the structure and beat of yours , shows it was thought out rather then over emotional and lacking refinement. Any more? Jonnie as I said i dont really like non ryming poems. personal preference and Im sure others find it terrific. However your cant one is great!! Tho the translation is of , you started it with dedicated to my wife and changed it to Given to my childrens mother. Not really the same but well done. Message me your number if you want to chat sometime as i cant use the private mesages right now.
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PostSubject: Re: Personal poetry: Post and review   Thu Mar 04, 2010 4:18 pm

As i understand it our language is an celtic one so not really overly compatable with english, so the meanings will be a bit diffrent. 1Of, i really like ur stuff cant wait to see the sscript u talked about Smile
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