Pretending

Okay this is a bit difficult to explain so Im just going to cut into it.

Wondering if anyone is secretly embarrassed of their heritage. I'm “out” as a traveller to people which is odd having to come out twice to people (the 2nd one I'm working on) but the past week has really had me thinking.

My car broke down so I'm saving money up until I get it fixed it's as frustrating but very workable right now. For the last week I get the bus back from collage which goes right by my house and a halting site but for some reason be it embarrassment or just denial or not wanting to feel judged I wait until the next stop (near a pretty nice row of houses) and get out wait watching my phone till the bus turns the corner and then walk home.

Same things with friends even when they know I'm a traveller I still usually avoid talking to them about family and stuff especially if it's anything to do with violence aggression or the way some parts of our community carry on. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE my family and am proud of my heritage (my mother is very socially active with Traveller rights) but what ever it is I just shut down, off or mute myself.

Even my name seems a bit off. Most people like travellers know me by my nickname which is Rob *nickname* thing is when I'm out on a night or in collage most people think that's my actual name and I don't really correct them. Getting annoyed at myself for hiding behind all these things. Cant really understand why Im not just happy with who I am.

Anyone else like this? Or do you reckon on some level it's possible that you might actually be discriminating towards yourself by unknowingly fitting a mould that's just not yours. Or knowingly letting people believe in something thats not true just because its easier.

Sorry for the long post think I just need to let out a bit of steam.

RoB

wat r u afrid of?

hey rob.
i totaly understand where your soming from, i dont think anyone here can honestly say they have never thought about being from a different community other than our own..

as for being embaressed,,i hear ya..its something you grow to overcome though so dont beat yourself up about it.

i know some people will say be proud of your heritage,,which is something to think of,,but i think the main thing you should believe in is yourself,,stop worrying about what people will think if they know where you live,,trust me,,ive been to halting sites all over the place and there alot cleaner and healthier than some of my settled friends houses..

never mind the haters rob,,,we all love ya..

peace